Try Harder or Try Softer…

Many times at work and home we try to “white knuckle” our way through times of stress and anxiety, making sure we please everyone. We put on a face and attitude of “everything is fine” and inside it is NOT, but we push through, try harder, and become people pleasers seeking human acceptance while growing numb inside. (not gonna lie, I have found myself here at times, even as a Christian who loves & follows Jesus)

My hope for all of us after reading this blog is…if you are going through times of stress and anxiety that we can learn to “be more gentle,” especially on ourselves! In a world that keeps telling us to try harder, maybe it is time to try softer.

I was introduced to Aundi Kolber’s book “Try Softer” on the Podcast “The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill.” She was interviewed as an expert – a licensed counselor – who helps people going through stress and anxiety associated with some type of trauma. These traumas can be big ones or little ones, they all affect us in different ways, but they do affect us and need to be acknowledged.

I was very intrigued as someone who pushes through life and is always trying harder, so I purchased her book to learn more.

“Being gentle is Biblical – Jesus was gentle. He also set boundaries and communicated His preferences to people.” (Try Softer by Aundi Kolber from Chapter 5)

Go read these scripture she referenced about Jesus in your quiet time tomorrow: Mark 1:35-38, 10:40, Matt 7:6, 19:13-14. We can learn so much from Jesus, we are so blessed to learn from our Savior – learn from Him!

This book encouraged me that we don’t need to “white knuckle” everything in life, push through it, people please, ignore how we feel, push harder, and then possibly inside we grow numb and maybe even have fear and resentment build up! Just because we are Christian women who honor our faith the best we can day in and day out – we don’t have to completely lose ourselves through the anxieties and stresses of life – we need to “try softer.”

It never seems to amazes me how God gives us what we need when we need it! Check out Aundi’s book if you are a “white knuckler” like me and always need to try harder in life for achievement or acceptance. If you need help recognizing that Big T trauma and small T trauma CAN NOT be ignored, we can’t just suck it up and move on. (well we can…but we will be miserable.)

In this book you will learn some practical ways to set boundaries among many other ways to deflate stress & anxiety. I love she is a Christian who honors the Word, teaches it, and follows it! She leads by example as she shares her stories on her personal traumas and also her expertise in faith and phycology.

“When we try softer we learn to cultivate compassionate attention to ourselves, we learn how to be more gentle with ourselves.” Aundi Kolber.

This was ah ha for me and assurance that it is okay to feel what I feel and how to move through those emotions kindly and more gentle.

She teaches us how to rewire our brains and bodies that our incredible God created! To understand that our fascinating brains through emotions helps us learn what we are feeling and why. We can learn to become mindful vs just numb when stress and anxiety show up! We can actually take that racing heart and tight stressed neck and learn to understand why this is happening and how to work through it.

She reminds us we are beloved fully by our almighty God and He sent us His son! We are made for relationship with Him along with others and ourselves! That our God is good! That our God is LOVE!

“Trying softer is treating ourselves the same way we believe God already sees us so that we can more deeply experience the reality of how we are loved.” Aundi Kolber

So my final thoughts today are for us to keep seeking the Lord and those who honor Him. Let’s learn why we have stress and anxiety by reflecting on our lives from childhood to now. God does love us and will send people who are gifted in their field of counseling, faith, and psychology to help us learn to love ourselves and ultimately to try softer vs harder!

We hope this book finds you, teaches you, and softens you – it has shown Heather and I so much over the last few months and we are forever grateful!